Is it possible to be friends with your GF/BF if you two break up?

Is it possible to be friends with your GF/BF if you two break up?
Dec 10, 2007 20:26	#21
SHESGOTTOBE Points: Join Date: Nov 23, 2007 Status: Offline	JimmyB, if you are serious in a relationship, you will try your best to make it work, depending on what you value and what you expect in the relationship. There shouldn't be any mind games. If the other party is cheating, you will try to talk to him/her rationally, hoping that you will resolve the issue before you even break up. Sometimes this is done over and over again hoping that it will work out. He/she is given that chance/chances. You do your best to make it work so that in the end you don’t have any regrets. However, most of the time, it will not stop because, to some cheating is some sort of an addiction while some others think it is perfectly alright, like it is their “right” to have other romantic relationships on the side. Many will even claim that it is “your fault” that they cheated. There is no justification for cheating. None, nada, zip, zilch. If one doesn’t love or appreciate the other person anymore, say so and move on but don’t cheat. Clearly, there are differences in values. You’ve tried to work it out and it didn’t work out, what else is there left to do? Of course, the above doesn’t apply if one doesn’t put too much importance on loyalty, honesty and commitment. To some, as long as the other is supporting them financially, they don’t care if there are “others”. It’s true that sometimes people change but it will take more than just preaching for people to change. It usually takes the loss of something precious and to be able to feel the pain for people to realize what they’ve done. And sometimes, it doesn’t register the first time. Life teaches us a lot of lessons and one of them is you never know what you got until it’s gone.

Dec 10, 2007 20:26

#21

SHESGOTTOBE
Points:
Join Date: Nov 23, 2007
Status: Offline

JimmyB, if you are serious in a relationship, you will try your best to make it work, depending on what you value and what you expect in the relationship. There shouldn't be any mind games. If the other party is cheating, you will try to talk to him/her rationally, hoping that you will resolve the issue before you even break up. Sometimes this is done over and over again hoping that it will work out. He/she is given that chance/chances. You do your best to make it work so that in the end you don’t have any regrets. However, most of the time, it will not stop because, to some cheating is some sort of an addiction while some others think it is perfectly alright, like it is their “right” to have other romantic relationships on the side. Many will even claim that it is “your fault” that they cheated. There is no justification for cheating. None, nada, zip, zilch. If one doesn’t love or appreciate the other person anymore, say so and move on but don’t cheat. Clearly, there are differences in values. You’ve tried to work it out and it didn’t work out, what else is there left to do?

Of course, the above doesn’t apply if one doesn’t put too much importance on loyalty, honesty and commitment. To some, as long as the other is supporting them financially, they don’t care if there are “others”.

It’s true that sometimes people change but it will take more than just preaching for people to change. It usually takes the loss of something precious and to be able to feel the pain for people to realize what they’ve done. And sometimes, it doesn’t register the first time. Life teaches us a lot of lessons and one of them is you never know what you got until it’s gone.

Dec 11, 2007 11:46	#22
CARLOS Points: Join Date: Sep 10, 2007 Status: Offline	We are friends with my ex-wife. In a way, I might say I still even love her. No talking about getting back, that would be impossible for the reasons we divorced. But, we get along fine. No quarrels, no problems. We don´t spend time together, we don´t call each other only to talk, still I would say we are friends. Would not go shopping with her, heh. Carlos

Dec 11, 2007 19:58

#23

JIMMYB
Points:
Join Date: Feb 7, 2007
Status: Offline

Quote: Well, He and I have been friends since we were kids, we were in the same class, the same school all the time. Sweet childhood.

He will help me just like I will help him if possible. I think nothing could change our friendship which belongs to childhood. I am afraid that you misunderstand.

Sorry, Lizxli. Glad to hear that you two still are friends. Friendship is the most valuable in the world.

Thanks, SHESGOTTOBE. It seems that you are an expert on this issue. I have learned much from your words :-) I am a person who put much importance on loyalty, honesty and commitment and I think that these are what you should obey. I hate cheatings. "If you don't love me, just let me know. Don't do cheating to me and date with another boy behind me." That is what I am thinking about.

Quote: Life teaches us a lot of lessons and one of them is you never know what you got until it’s gone.

Exactly. What we can do is to cherish everyone and everything that belong to us. Then we won't feel regretful when they were gone.

Dec 12, 2007 20:03	#24
SHESGOTTOBE Points: Join Date: Nov 23, 2007 Status: Offline	You’re welcome, JimmyB. Far from being an expert. We are all learning as we go along. I’m sure you know these things as well. We all have a teacher called life. ^_^

Dec 13, 2007 10:00

#25

APAULT
Points:
Join Date: Mar 11, 2006
Status: Offline

Sure it is possible to be friends with an Ex. I have done so several times. With my ex-wife there were the children to think about. I cannot say we were deep friends, but we have helped each other out. I helped another meet a man whom she has married - and yes I attended the wedding. Others remained friends for a while but gradually time or distance saw the friendship fade.

I cannot understand how much bitterness there can be. If you love(d) someone you should be happy if they have found someone to make them happy. Or if they haven't, you can still be a friend when they need one.

I think young people in the western cultures are used to it. Many go around as mixed groups and the pairings change a bit as some break and new ones form. But they can still stay friends with their ex's.

Dec 13, 2007 19:37

#26

SHESGOTTOBE
Points:
Join Date: Nov 23, 2007
Status: Offline

Very, very true, Paul. I remember when one of my ex even asked me to help him win a new girl that he fancies. Helped him pick out a birthday card for her and fill out some paperwork. Well, I hope everything works out for them. ^_^

I think resentment and bitterness is not healthy. The scientists are already finding out that emotions affect out health. Laughter is the best medicine makes sense. ^_^”

It is said, “Forgiveness is not for others. It is for you. And if you really think about it, there is nothing to forgive because both of you learned from the experience so in reality it is a gift”. ^_^

Dec 13, 2007 20:20	#27
JIMMYB Points: Join Date: Feb 7, 2007 Status: Offline	Quote: Forgiveness is not for others. It is for you. And if you really think about it, there is nothing to forgive because both of you learned from the experience so in reality it is a gift. If I was put in this situation, I would never see my ex GF. Well, I should learn to forgive others and be magnanimous because I am a man. :-)

Dec 14, 2007 19:48	#28
SHESGOTTOBE Points: Join Date: Nov 23, 2007 Status: Offline	"Well, I should learn to forgive others and be magnanimous because I am a man. :-) " Err… what about if you are a woman? @_@

Dec 15, 2007 11:24	#29
LIONPOWER Points: Join Date: Dec 11, 2006 Status: Offline	May be same answer as Neuton says, " Every action have equal & opposite reaction".

Dec 15, 2007 16:35

#30

GUEST21125

SHESGOTTOBE is wise. I like what she says above.
I personally do not invest in male friends anymore, unless they are from my workplace or church. The reason is because I have been very good friends with guys in the past, and they distance themselves when they have a serious girlfriend or get married. Guys don't really keep in touch that well with previous female friends. My ex's, they have their own families whom they spend a lot of time with, and there's no reason for us to hang out anymore. I think well of them, wish them the best, but I love my female friends the most because they'll always be there doesn't matter what happens. I think same-gender friends are better to keep as life-long friends whereas I don't really have the desire to keep in touch with ex's because one day they'll find their life partner and build their own lives together. There's no point in investing a lot in a friend who I don't share a future with. And I wish them the best.

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