| how does a western boy think? | |
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| Jan 1, 2009 12:11 |   |
| guest73642 | im a Chinese girl, early 20s,study aboard since high school, love travelling and adventures.Outside it seems im more western than local Chinese girls.However,i was raised in traditional Chinese family until went aboard, inside,im so serious about relationship and have strong conception about family. and that is why until now i didn't receive any boy's invitation since most western boys looks playboy and flirting. recently,i met this boy from England during trip to africa. Im nice girl and have kinda sense of humor, but pity that when I face a boy i realize i have feeling for, I lose the ability to speak. i behaved normal when I talked to him at first.However, after somedays, I became soooo shy and nearly wordless when with him. on Dec 25,we were in a room and i cannot recall how we started to kiss and have intimacy. He dosen't look like playboy and that is one of the reasons i like him. But im feared that he will think im kinda girl who likes to play around. so i gave the initiative to let him email me first after i came back 'coz im not sure what he will think about me. Right now we have 2round of email only, and im waiting for his reply. Im in a situation that I dun know whether this is love i feel about him? but we actually didn't chat a lot. But i never have same strong feeling to any other boy b4. I miss him a lot and have the impulse to fly back to africa and give a hand to his bizness(he's about to open a youth hostel). that is also what i dreamed for a good relationship as women not only being a wife but also being a supportive for men's career. But all of this i never tell him. firstly, we haven't chat a lot and this topic seems so serious. Secondly,im afraid telling him too much about my feeling will give him pressure and leaves me eventually. Thirdly,im not sure whether this applied to western, i always think girls should not be too bold to say out their loves as one will think she does same thing to other boys. thx for reading my long boring story and forgive my poor English experssing. yes, summarize my qns: 1. how can i know i really fall in love with him since the time we spent together was short and and not much communication? but among all boys i have been with, i have strongest feeling about him. 2. if it is love,how should i express? what if he doesn't reply my email promptly? 3.i kinda regret have intimacy with him since he may think im not traditional girl, but if not the intimacy, we each other will be stranger ever after. How will he think about me? from the time we knew each other to Dec 25, its only 2 weeks.............sigh......... worried girl on 1st day of 2009 Happy New Year to all~~! |
| Jan 1, 2009 23:36 | #1 |
 | An interesting story. Release him, both physically and emotionally....and if he doesn't return...then your question has been answered. Geez, this takes me back to the days before my daughter got married. Thank you for bringing back memories even though you're in mental anguish. And, Good Luck !!! |
| Jan 1, 2009 23:43 | #2 |
| Sound advice Gary. Writing as someone old and experienced enough to know, I concur. |
| Jan 2, 2009 08:16 | #3 |
| Be relaxed, see how things go, and don't be worried. Don't concern yourself yet with whether you 'love' him and he loves you. Keep doing things together, or chatting on-line. Give the 'relationship' time to evolve: it might mature or it might wither. You need time time to 'learrn the game' and you both need time to come to grips with some cultural differences. What you must realise is that in western countries relationships can develop quicker than you might like and he must understand the realities of China. Do not get upset if he tries to move faster than you think is correct, that is his culture, It is your choice to accept that or to slow it. It is his choice to accept or not. Also, he will not think you a bad or loose girl because you kissed (etc) that is quite normal in his background. He might have problems if you try to go back (eg, no kissing), he will think you are messing him around. |
| Jan 2, 2009 09:35 | #4 |
| I read your reference intimacy to be a lot more than kissing: >>>but if not the intimacy, we each other will be stranger ever after You seized the moment. Cherish it for what it was. If he never emails you again, take comfort in this: "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved." |
| Jan 2, 2009 10:26 | #5 |
| Sometimes life is about “ships that pass in the night” I agree with Gizs’ advice; you did seize the moment, if it was Ok then, it’s OK now. Dodger. |
| Jan 3, 2009 09:32 | #6 |
| GUEST51819 | thanks a million for all above reply. they really release my worries to some extend. but what if he never email back again? He started to email me and first reply is very prompt. but it has been 3days,I don't receive 2nd reply..... If he never emails again, should I follow another one to say that I really care about him and wanna have deeper comminication? although he left his cell number to me, and I did send a SMS on New Yr's Eve, but got no response either. Or maybe he actually didn't receive it at all. I decide to fly back to africa and tell him personally after my exams finish in Feb. If he has same feeeling for me, I would like to give up my Internship opportunity in Europe and stay half year there with him. But am I too naive since we really have long way to go and barriers do exist between us. Firstly, I still have 2 more years for my bachelor degre and it is not in Africa. Secondly, his bizness just starts, and he may not leave it at least during the first one or two years. As for online-chatting, I bet he doesn't have enough time to do so. Seeing so many difficulities between us, should I start this relationship anyway for love sake? or should I stay cool from now onwards and let us be friends or simply try to forget him, otherwise I may be heart-broken once relationship really begin? Any advice and guideliness is much appreciated.! I begin to polish my English now. Because I even don't have courage to call him since my brain will definitely go black and I'll not behave what I meant to be. .... i hate myself like that.. |
| Jan 3, 2009 19:54 | #7 |
| It does appear that you are in denial of the negative possibilities of the relationship. Also, the willingness to fly back to Africa for a simple "yes" or "no" answer, which would also interrupt your education, indicates to me that you might have more money (yuan , RMB) than common (love) sense. A young man's mind might take this situation as a "young beautiful flower ready to be plucked". So.....be careful with yourself and do not lay all of your cards on the table. I.E. always have something in reserve in case the situation does not work or you feel threatened. |
| Jan 3, 2009 22:05 | #8 |
| >>A young man's mind might take this situation as a "young beautiful flower ready to be plucked". So.....be careful with yourself and do not lay all of your cards on the table. I.E. always have something in reserve in case the situation does not work or you feel threatened. << Gary, don't scare this young lady and your way of thinking is more and more close to narrow minded Chinese. Guest, besides seeking life partner, you have other things to be concerned like study and career. Relax, let thing go the way it should be. My cousin and husby study together almost 7 years. they are married and now working in different continants. They are all young just over 30 and busy with establishing their own careers. Distance does not create pains but increases motive to worker harder to build up more common prosperous future. |
| Jan 4, 2009 00:55 | #9 |
| It may appear to be narrow minded but it is being specific and to the point. |
| Jan 4, 2009 01:00 | #10 |
| I'm still with you Gary. If facing up to the reality of the situation is scary then... so be it. If it was my daughter asking the question I would be giving the same advice. |
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