| should I get married? | |
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| Mar 10, 2009 12:38 |   |
 | I'm a young Chinese woman and here's my confusion. I hope to travel around the world and touch different cultures but I am even not able to go to Taiwan not mention many other countries(I didn't mean Taiwan is a country) because I'm a Chinese citizen. When I go to Hongkong with my American friends I could only stay for 7 days while they are able to spend whatever long they want only because I am a chinese citizen. I hope to get into University of Chicago but I couldn't apply for Early Decision because foreign students are not able to apply ED when asking for scholarships.... ... I have no idea whether this is right or not but I want to marry an American just because I want to have a Green Card to allow me travel to any different countries and stay however long I want and be able to get touch with the world in the first hand. Should I get married with an American just based on what I stated above?(i mean a serious marriage,not a so-called green card marriage in which they broke up after one of them get the green card.) I would be very grateful if you could tell me what you think. Thanks a lot! p.s. i deleted it. :-) |
Last edited by MONICAMICHELLE: Mar 10, 2009 22:29 | |
| Mar 10, 2009 17:44 | #1 |
| GUEST11050 | Observe your friend’s behavior closely. If you think you can tolerate his idiosyncrasy, by all means and proceed with caution. You have basically answered your own question. You are paying a price for your freedom in some way. You are very young, so you can upgrade later if necessary. Millions have done what you have done. It boils down to Darwinian Theory—the fittest survives. May the force be with you! Jew Kam Chun |
| Mar 10, 2009 17:46 | #2 |
| 'I want to marry an American just because I want to have a Green Card' I feel so sorry for you, marriage should be between 2 people who love each other, not for convenience. You are young and clearly an inteligent person, dont advertise yourself like this. |
| Mar 10, 2009 21:06 | #3 |
| yeah, i guess so. it's not fair for both of us and sounds silly,too. never mind what i said but you might understand why i did this. lol. sometimes i feel so upset just because i couldn't be able to do things other people around me are free to do. I'm the person who said she wants to travel around the world but I'm the one who's uneasy to do so. Is it an irony?! I feel so bad especially when I am travelling, other people do not need visas for most countries in the world but I have to get one even if i'm just going to HongKong! I guess it is really silly. I'm young and I have my dream,friends and family... I should be able to get better and stop doing this silly stuff. but I hope you understand why I did that. After all it's not that unreasonable. lol |
| Mar 10, 2009 21:57 | #4 |
| You have a dream and you have every right to pursue your dream. Just don’t do anything illegal which could get you into trouble. Personally, I do not agree with how you advertised yourself. It’s like you are ‘selling’ yourself. No. Selling is probably not the right word. Forgive me. English as second language, hehe...  You are so honest and I am just concerned that somebody would take advantage of you with the way you advertised yourself. Be careful. You mentioned that you have been studying in America for more than 10 months. I would guess you are already in America looking for an American man? Be very careful and selective. If you end up marrying a jerk and he knows you are after a green card, you’d be in a situation where you are open to abuse because he can use that as a leverage. Educate yourself about this process.This might be a shocker to you, but even Americans need a visa if they want to go to China as a tourist. Everyone, and I could be wrong but as far as I know, there are no exceptions. And they are not free, they cost $200 to $300 depending on how fast the service is. American citizens do not need visa to enter Japan and South Korea for short-term visits, and for non-US citizens, the visa is free. Neat, eh? As for marriage of convenience, somebody mentioned before that all marriages are in some form a marriage of convenience. People marry because they know they are getting something out of it whether it is security, sex, companionship, money, diamond, trophy, support or whatever. It’s all good but I hope you also include marrying someone you love because you will be spending with that person all your life(hopefully). Someone once said ‘Find your soul, then find your mate.’ Goodluck to you.  |
Last edited by SHESGOTTOBE: Mar 10, 2009 22:36 |
| Mar 10, 2009 22:33 | #5 |
| thanks guys! i'll take all your words to contemplate. a big word. lol. i mean yeah,i've already made up my mind and i'll just pursue the dream i have and see where God lead me to. thanks. peace~ |
| Apr 22, 2009 17:44 | #6 |
| GUESTMIKE | You should NOT get married just for the green card or for citizenship in the USA. Getting married to someone just so you can travel somewhere or stay somewhere with your friends or to go to college isn't fair at all to the sorry guy that might agree to marry you. It also shows that you have an immature outlook on life and an incorrect way of treating others. You are using him for his citizenship and that's shallow and degrading to both of you. Let him know what you are doing and be honest with him before you trick him into marrying you for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a serious matter only to be taken by people who are doing it for the RIGHT REASONS LIKE LOVE AND COMMITMENT. I was almost tricked by a woman like you and later found out that all she wanted was the easy life in the US. Accept your nationality and all that comes with it and don't use men for your shallow selfish reasons. Don't listen to these ignorant women on here who know nothing more than how to use people. In the end it will come back to haunt you. Mike in USA |
| May 10, 2009 23:34 | #7 |
| GUEST06176 | That is not even right dude, im a korean girl who are engaged with an american i wanna marry him because i love him not for a greencard i told him so many times i wanna marry u becuase of the green card , i totally in love with him we've been dating for a long time now we wanna get married . tell you what those who people think like you , spoil other people who are getting married. lots of poeple out there like u ruined everything makes us hard to get married u know what im saying? MARRIAGE IS A VERY PRECIOUS THING IT CANT BE USED BY LIKE THAT DUDE! why other poeple talk bad abt other countries people who are getting married to american? that is because people exactly think like that . u r not even old enough thats very childish telling u one day u gona regret this if you do that . u need to marry a person who you love who you really care abt NOT FOR A GREENCARD !!! |
| May 10, 2009 23:35 | #8 |
| GUEST06176 | i wrote it wrong i told him so many times that i wanna marry him but NOT BECAUSE OF THE GREENCARD! dont get it wrong i was mad abt what u said |
| May 13, 2009 10:10 | #9 |
| I like travelling too. Sometimes I create opportunity for my friends in China to travel, even to neighbouring countries such as Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, Singapore, and of course, Malaysia. Sometimes the grass is not always green the other side of the fence. I can't teach laws in the universities although I want to due to lacking of academic qualifications, but I still manage to prepare litigation papers. We do gave certain limitations but we still can do things within that stipulated constrains. Although others are given 90-day visa free to Hong Kong but you still be able to go although with 7 days allowance. While foreigners are asking how to stay and live in China, the Chinese are asking how to travel and live in Europe and USA. Whenever I travel, I always look forward to go back to my country, to contribute something for myself, my family and friends, as a whole, for my society. Running away from my society may solve some parts of my problem(s) with a dream to catch but will I be successful? Time will tell. Everyone has the right what to decide and you have decided. May you find good life and happiness in life. Wan |
| May 16, 2009 08:33 | #10 |
| Monicami, I wish you well in your endeavours,, travel the world and see places. Experience life at its fullest. Life is a gift that is meant to be unwrapped and enjoyed. People abuse credit cards to get what they want, but marriage can not be found in a convenience store! "Buyer Beware"...... what you purchase and dont use for the right reasons,,will have long lasting repercussions, that "You" will regret because you wanted the quickness of convenience. All of us out here in this world can not get everything we want,,,even you at one time or another! Be happy with what you have and what you have accomplished so far. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. "Take your time" and enjoy what life has to offer. I hope one day that you will marry, but for the right reasons. I know for a fact that "most" Chinese and other Asian women take marriage very seriously. Again take your time and Do for others as you want them to do for you. LB |
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