Isolated and depressed foreigner in China

Isolated and depressed foreigner in China
Sep 8, 2012 21:46
guestMiss CG	Hi everyone this is a personal synopsis of my current situation I would like to get advice from individuals who may empathize or be willing to offer advice. I escaped my native country to get away from an abusive life which was killing me like slow poison injected into my soul and it has been 2 years since I departed yet nightmares and depression plague me. I found a great job, nice home; colleagues are okay although a lot of prejudice and office politics surround my working life. I am one of those foreign faces you will not notice but the one who quietly does her job and respects this countries culture and values. I despise trouble and trouble makers so the silent one in the background is who I am. My Chinese language skills lack greatly therefore having conversations with natives is difficult but that isn’t the issue. I have many ex-pat friends ranging from architects, lawyers to ESL teachers and their social pattern is to consume alcohol in huge quantities whenever they can and cause a weekly saga which embarrasses me. I see how Chinese people will smile at the foreign faces and laugh at them behind their backs and I don’t want people to feel that about me as the saying goes ‘don’t tar everyone with the same brush’. I have found myself distancing from these people, nothing is wrong with what they do but it isn’t a social activity which I enjoy or want to partake in and I am not one to give into peer pressure. Besides I have know many alcoholics and watched how it has killed them and their families and I haven’t met anyone who drinks socially the people I know drink alcohol solely for the purpose of getting drunk and making excuses for their behaviour. I haven’t met many people out with my work environment who have similar interests as most are tied down to the family where as I am not. The reality is I can’t go back to my country yet as I have nothing and no one to go back to, family has disowned me, friends have moved on and we barely keep in touch. I came to make a better life for myself and was fortunate that China offered me an opportunity and has blessed me with things which I am grateful for. But now I am at a crossroads as I find myself staying indoors, I don't want to wake up, depression looms over my head like a dark cloud, people at work make things worse with their own agendas and I don’t know what to do. Do I change jobs, go live in another city, do I give into peer pressure, do I give into the depression etc. People look at me and I assume I have wonderful life only financially but little do they realise that in my opinion without the support of friends and family there is no meaning to life and money hasn’t met my needs and it hasn’t helped my situation besides what is the point in having so much unless you can share it. Any advice or wise words to help or knock some sense into me would be appreciated as I have no one to talk to which is why I turn to the internet. Miss CG

Sep 8, 2012 21:46

guestMiss CG

Hi everyone this is a personal synopsis of my current situation I would like to get advice from individuals who may empathize or be willing to offer advice.

I escaped my native country to get away from an abusive life which was killing me like slow poison injected into my soul and it has been 2 years since I departed yet nightmares and depression plague me. I found a great job, nice home; colleagues are okay although a lot of prejudice and office politics surround my working life. I am one of those foreign faces you will not notice but the one who quietly does her job and respects this countries culture and values. I despise trouble and trouble makers so the silent one in the background is who I am.

My Chinese language skills lack greatly therefore having conversations with natives is difficult but that isn’t the issue. I have many ex-pat friends ranging from architects, lawyers to ESL teachers and their social pattern is to consume alcohol in huge quantities whenever they can and cause a weekly saga which embarrasses me. I see how Chinese people will smile at the foreign faces and laugh at them behind their backs and I don’t want people to feel that about me as the saying goes ‘don’t tar everyone with the same brush’.
I have found myself distancing from these people, nothing is wrong with what they do but it isn’t a social activity which I enjoy or want to partake in and I am not one to give into peer pressure. Besides I have know many alcoholics and watched how it has killed them and their families and I haven’t met anyone who drinks socially the people I know drink alcohol solely for the purpose of getting drunk and making excuses for their behaviour.

I haven’t met many people out with my work environment who have similar interests as most are tied down to the family where as I am not.

The reality is I can’t go back to my country yet as I have nothing and no one to go back to, family has disowned me, friends have moved on and we barely keep in touch. I came to make a better life for myself and was fortunate that China offered me an opportunity and has blessed me with things which I am grateful for. But now I am at a crossroads as I find myself staying indoors, I don't want to wake up, depression looms over my head like a dark cloud, people at work make things worse with their own agendas and I don’t know what to do. Do I change jobs, go live in another city, do I give into peer pressure, do I give into the depression etc.

People look at me and I assume I have wonderful life only financially but little do they realise that in my opinion without the support of friends and family there is no meaning to life and money hasn’t met my needs and it hasn’t helped my situation besides what is the point in having so much unless you can share it.

Any advice or wise words to help or knock some sense into me would be appreciated as I have no one to talk to which is why I turn to the internet.

Miss CG

Sep 10, 2012 20:44	#1
GUEST27143	Go to make friends, if you trust in yourself that there will be some your reliable friends. Or try to set up a family of yourself. God bless you

Sep 10, 2012 21:36

WANHU
Points:
Join Date: Feb 20, 2007
Status: Offline

Dear CG, I read your simple expression with awe because you have the courage to tell others of your predicament. To me, it's not a depression nor a sign but rather a thought of solace and searching for the true purpose of life. I have seen many a friend wasting their life by making themselves intoxicated with drinks (and waking up the next day with severe headache). You're blessed with an opportunity, besides rendering your service, to find a new life in China, from a darkened cloud (back home) to a clearer sky.

Changing jobs is never the answer. From TCG I have found a few good friends, sometimes we disagree in order to agree. We share things in common and sometimes chatted and responded things away from the topics. TCG mostly about China, and you may air your thoughts for us to share.

Wan

Sep 10, 2012 21:38	#3
EASTCHINASEA Points: Join Date: Sep 3, 2012 Status: Offline	I am a little confused about whether u are a foreigner or Chinese.

Sep 10, 2012 21:48	#4
WANHU Points: Join Date: Feb 20, 2007 Status: Offline	You mean me or Miss CG? Wan

Sep 11, 2012 21:41	#5
GUEST17115	Miss CG - get professional help.

Sep 16, 2012 03:30

CARLOS
Points:
Join Date: Sep 10, 2007
Status: Offline

CG,

read carefully what Wan wrote, learn language and stop feeling pity for yourself.

Most of peoples problems are inside their heads and I am sure you are not an exeption. Changing work or location never solves problems, it all starts from the inside of own.

Language is the key, believe or not.

Carlos

P.S.

Wan, after reading your postings lately, I think your heart is wider than the China Sea.

Sep 17, 2012 11:43	#7
WANHU Points: Join Date: Feb 20, 2007 Status: Offline	Carlos, such a praise is like an ocean without a shore which I do not really deserve. I will always try my best to share with sincerity, and sometimes with pun intended as a wake up call as well as pulling some legs but never to ridicule. Wan

Sep 18, 2012 07:32	#8
NOBODY Points: Join Date: Feb 13, 2011 Status: Offline	Make friends with people who have similar interests as you do. It can be difficult but there are foreigners in China ^^ For me, i am also tied to my family, but still like to do things in the evening or morning. You can go to a forum like this and maybe say what kind of friend you are looking for. Or let other introduce themselves and pm one that interests you.

Sep 18, 2012 10:24

CARLOS
Points:
Join Date: Sep 10, 2007
Status: Offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by WANHU

Carlos, such a praise is like an ocean without a shore which I do not really deserve. I will always try my best to share with sincerity, and sometimes with pun intended as a wake up call as well as pulling some legs but never to ridicule.
Wan

Mmmm...

I am not sure how you understood that, Wan. My very incomplete english, you see.

Anyway, it was ment as a compliment.

Carlos

Sep 20, 2012 00:52	#10
WANHU Points: Join Date: Feb 20, 2007 Status: Offline	I found that in TCG there are "friends" who are willing to lend hands, to provide and share their thoughts, those who would amuse you with their slapstick and those who would share their travel experience. Sometimes only, moderators have a hard time to control some unbecoming phrases. Wan

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