| Marriage... How does a foreigner marry a chinese woman? | |
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| Nov 27, 2007 07:22 | #61   |
 | To MICKKINCHINA, CARLOS, or ROGERINCA: When you married your lao po, were you expected to provide a financial "gift" for the parents of your spouse? I have read that a gift to the woman's parents is part of the custom, but I'm wondering exactly what/how much money this entails. Also, to what extent are you expected to "assist" your lao po's family financially? I'm tentatively planning to marry my lao po in January. We met in person in August and I spent several days with her in September and November. While I'm about 90% sure her intentions are genuine, there's still an element of doubt. Does she only want a US Visa? Financial support for her family? Or a father for her future children? Are these concerns that any of you have faced? I am comfortable financially, but by no means rich. I'm concerned that Chinese women may see all Americans as "rich"... and when she realizes that I can't afford to buy her parents a house, perhaps her so called "love" for me will vanish. Are these concerns valid, or am I just getting a case of "cold feet"? Any advice is greatly appreciated. |
| Nov 27, 2007 10:02 | #62 |
| Shadow, my lao po wanted Chinese wedding. Would have cost about 20 - 30,000 RMB. Gift to her parents would have been about 10,000 RMB. I said no. To wedding photos I said yes, cost about 5,500 RMB. "I am comfortable financially, but by no means rich. I'm concerned that Chinese women may see all Americans as "rich" From the beginning I have made clear to her that I am not rich, I must work for living and so must she when she is able to (must learn some Finnish first and maybe a little more proper English) Whether she only wants a Finnish visa, time shows. I would suggest You to talk things out with Your future lao po, Shadow, before rushing married. Do not leave possibilities for misunderstandings to her or to You. I think marrying her is some kind of risk You just have to take. I did, got married. Was it a mistake or not, I don´t know. All I know is that now I feel the luckiest man in the world for having her. And loneliest man in the world for missing her. Carlos |
| Nov 27, 2007 10:03 | #63 |
| Sorry, did not mean You definitely must get married, only ment it always is a risk. Carlos |
| Nov 28, 2007 01:11 | #64 |
| GUEST23274 | I have been married to a young lady from Chengdu China since July of 2005. First I want to say what a wonderful experience it has been and continues to be with her. Reading alot of the posts here, I see there are alot of concerns about obtaining a USA Visa and about endowments for her family. About the second statement, there are no monies that need to be paid for her family. About the first, being married in China is very easy, there are no physical or mental tests that need to be performed. You must have a notorized statement from the US Embassy to prove you are divorced and single. She must be able to prove the same. You must have pictures of yourself and her and present it to the China Office where you sign a few documents and then you are married when you sign the paperwork. After 2 and half years of marriage, we finally applied for her Visa to the USA, where it is taking about a year for the process to unfold. My best advice we can offer, come to China as often as you can, I work overseas so I return to China every 3 months for a few weeks at a time, so we can be husband and wife. Also want to offer, just because she is Chinese and I am American, it is important to remember, you are still a man and she is a woman, the same rules apply, respect, love, honor and obey. We both have a wonderful and happy marriage, if you wed a Chinese young lady, be prepared for alot of laughter and smiles, some of things she will say to you as to how she views life in her own words translated into english will surely make you happy with goosebumps. Good luck to all.... |
| Nov 28, 2007 07:41 | #65 |
| To CARLOS, Thanks for the information. It's comforting to know that you were able to "just say no" to a big wedding ceremony and to a payment to her family. I have no issue with helping out her family, as long as it's on my terms. About the risk... it is a risk I am definitely willing to take. As I think more about it... her desire for a family and financial security are the same reasons that anyone gets married (either in China, USA or anywhere). To GUEST23274, Thanks for sharing your situation and your advice. Being married for two and a half years and living apart must be very difficult even with your frequent visits to China. Like you, I am fortunate that I travel to China for work approximately every 2 or 3 months for two or three weeks at a time... but even so, the time apart is difficult. As for the laughter... even with the language difficulties, she can still make me laugh! And somehow when we are together, all my concerns and worries about our future together disappear! |
| Nov 29, 2007 02:48 | #66 |
| Hi Shadowman I myself are by no means rich! but to try to answer some of your questions! here goes. Our wedding in Total cost around 45,000Y we had already had photo's which cost around 5000Y done before the wedding, as for giving a Wedding gift to my Lao Po's family, They did not want anything! the only thing they wanted was for me to look after her and love her. Of coures she will hope that you will help her family if help is needed! the chinese woman are usually very close to there familys. When I married my Lao Po I knew I was also marrying her family, And I think it's great! I now have 2 of the best mothers in the world. Does she just want a visa? Ahhhhhhhh the big question!! I often hear people talking about this, I agree with Carlos! you should not just rush into marriage, you say that you are 90% sure! to be honest you should treat this like any other relationship, if you cannot put your hand on your heart and say that you are 100% sure about the situation, you should not marry. Because 1 small seed of doubt will grow as time goes by, you may not think it now but later things will become difficult! which will put a huge strain on your relationship which I can gaurantee will have lots of misunderstandings anyway. I noticed that you said (when she realizes that I can't afford to buy her parents a house, perhaps her so called "love" for me will vanish.) This sentance sounds full of doubt to me! My advise is get to know her much more and try to gain a better understanding of who she really is inside, and what she wants for your future together, tell her your financial situation in passing conversation! Also suggest maybe that you will concider living in china when married! see how she reacts to not getting the visa!! If she wants to be with you for Love, not a visa, not for money, you will only find out as you get to know her more. Regards Michael |
| Nov 29, 2007 15:13 | #67 |
| MICKKINCHINA, Thank you for the good advice. While I don't think I would ever be able to "put my hand on my heart and say that I'm 100% certain" about anything in life... I do agree with you that I would be wise to try to gain a better understanding of her expectations. When I travel there in January, I will have papers in hand... but we'll need to have a very thorough conversation (she'll be speaking poor english, I'll be speaking even worse Chinese!) before I sign on the dotted line! Thanks again, Shadowman |
| Nov 30, 2007 18:54 | #68 |
| GUEST15042 | hi, i am in the same boat as u m8, i had to get a declaration by my self an irish citz liveing in the uk,(certificat de coutume) for marrage abroad singed by a lawyer, and send it to the irish embassey in london, then head out to china, and marry, im on yahoo messenger the_celt_2002 if ya wanna buzz me |
| Dec 3, 2007 20:09 | #69 |
| HI Rogerinca I'm new here today beings you married a Chinese lady I need some answers my girl is in Ganzhou only 45 minute from Guangzhou where you girl is from. My girl told me that all I need is test for HIV to enter China I marry her there and that will make me a citizen of China Is this right? I do plan to live there in China for at least 3 years for her 16 year daughter to finish college. What kind of visa do I need to do this will a 30 day visa cover me or not? The only 1 year visas I have found say multi entry with 60 90 day stay does this mean I can only stay 90 days and have to leave and come back for another 90 days? Have you heard of any one getting citizenship in China? s She also told me her total living expenses for 1 month is 1000 Yuan that is $135.39 dollars. that China has a law that a single man and woman can not live together in the same place until they are married. Do you know about this? But she can rent me a place for about $50.00 a month until we do get married. cost of marriage is $45.00. all the answers you can give me will help a bunch. thank you Robert Oklahoma |
| Dec 5, 2007 08:17 | #70 |
| How many folks on here used a lawyer or some other service to help get a visa, or wished they had used one? (especially with respect to the K-1, fiancee visa) |
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