| When should we get married? | |
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| Dec 12, 2007 00:15 |   |
 | Have you noticed it? Nowadays, more and more Chinese people get married later and later. According to the law, men are allowed to get married as long as they are 22 years old. The age requirement for women is 20 years old. However, it is very rare to find both men and women get married when they meet the age requirement. Take my cousin for example. He got married this year when he was 28 years old. What make them get married so late? The soaring housing prices attribute most to this. Now girls have become very practical. When they choose their future husband, house is a prerequisite. For this reason, many young boys who just graduted from university have to work hard to earn money for a house. When they could afford to buy a house (here means they buy their house on installment), they are getting old. (Of course, there are some exceptions. Those parents who are rich can buy a house for their son.) Except skyrocketing house prices, are there any other reasons that make boys get married late? How do you view this phenomenon? Will you end your relationship with your BF if he could not afford to buy a house? Which is the most important, love or house? Without any economic limits(you needn't worry about your house), when will you get married, 20, 25 or 30? |
| Dec 12, 2007 06:12 | #1 |
| Jimmy, I would say around 28 is about right, I didn't get married until I was 37 not through choice, I couldn't find anyone mad enough to put up with me, he he seriously though, marrying too young can be a mistake ( not always ) because young people feel they need to live a bit before settling down, I have known friends that married young and divorced 3 or 4 years later. Alan |
| Dec 12, 2007 09:02 | #2 |
| Regarding to marriage,it is a reality topic.In my opinion,when both parties are mature ,knowing what they really want in life,and be ready to start a new life(marriage will carry more responsibility than when you dating),they can consider marriage.I knew some male friends who is around 30,they have't not married.Someone said he haven't met the right one.Someone said he is too busy with business.Some of my female friends also not married.Because most of them work far from their hometown,it becomes more difficult to get married.However,they are still young. |
| Dec 12, 2007 11:08 | #3 |
| I married aged 24, a mistake. Divorced 5 years later. Married again aged 30. Misteke again.(?) Divorced almost 15 years later. Married again. God, I hope this is not a mistake. But to the topic. It is not any difference comparing to Finland. People get married later and later. Some studies here have pointed education as one marker. Less educated marry younger, more educated, well, they spend more years in school, then they are busy to make their career. Then it is time to marry. If two career people marry, it is very usual thet they first buy house or apartment together and try to pay their loans before making children. "Will you end your relationship with your BF if he could not afford to buy a house?" Jimmy, were You asking that only from Chinese women? Only thinking, because here single women and single men, they usually buy house for themselves. When they marry, it is very common that both sell their houses and after that they buy a new one together. Also if man lives in rent house and woman in her own, normally man don´t move to her house. Woman sells her and then they buy a new one together. Carlos |
| Dec 12, 2007 19:35 | #4 |
| Alan, I just want to say 'Great minds think alike'. I have told myself that I will get married around 28. Getting married earlier is not good because you two are not mature and do not have a clear understanding of marriage. Quote: In my opinion,when both parties are mature ,knowing what they really want in life,and be ready to start a new life(marriage will carry more responsibility than when you dating),they can consider marriage. Colourfullife, I can not agree with you any more. Marriage is not a game so that you should treat it seriously. Carlos, education is indeed a factor. You see, in rural areas, people usually get married earlier than those who live in cities. Quote: Jimmy, were You asking that only from Chinese women? Yes, Carlos. But the views of you and other foreign friends are also welcome. I also want to know how you make a choice between house and love. BTW, your way of solving this problem is very good. |
| Dec 12, 2007 20:08 | #5 |
| This is exactly my Chinese friend’s situation. A house in Beijing is a condition imposed by the girl’s parents if they are to give their permission. Well, what’s wrong with renting if you can’t afford to buy? It’s not just in China. It is the same everywhere. You have to buy a house on installment unless you are a millionaire. Age doesn’t have anything to do with it. This is assuming you are not living in a society where kids are married off when they are as young as 9. Marrying later is a trend all over the world. It is because there is less pressure to marry and being single is celebrated as well. Before, a 20-something person will be scorned if he/she is still single and there’s a lot of pressure to marry from all parts of the society. These days, people will not marry until they find that right one or they are ready for it. Nowadays, the society will respect the individual’s choice. When should you get married? When you have someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and that someone agrees to marry you. That is, if you already have a house and that cute girl you fancy will like the house you have and agree to marry you. LOL! I’m just kidding. It’s when you are ready to spend every day for the rest of your life with the one you love. You know that’s what you want and you are emotionally ready for it. That is just my opinion and I am not Chinese so I probably have a very different opinion. I hope more Chinese will answer this though. ^_^” Will I end my relationship with my BF if he can’t afford a house? LOL! What an odd question. Well, no. I’m already paying my monthly mortgage. If we marry, we can live on it. If he has his own house, we can decide if we want to sell or rent out the other one or buy a different house altogether. |
| Dec 13, 2007 19:34 | #6 |
| Quote: Well, what’s wrong with renting if you can’t afford to buy? It’s not just in China. It is the same everywhere. You have to buy a house on installment unless you are a millionaire. SHESGOTTOBE. Home means too much for a Chinese. Without a home, they feel that they are just like rootless duckweed in the pond. When they get their own home, they are just like trees that have rooted in the earth. Of course, they can rent a house for living. But they can not rent a house and live in it in their lives. That is Chinese people's traditional concept. Then you can understand why your friend's future parents in law require a house for their daughter. "Marrying later is a trend all over the world. It is because there is less pressure to marry and being single is celebrated as well." Well, some Chinese people would like to be a single and marry later. But many of them have no choice but to do so because they can not afford a house. They marry later just because they face much pressure. Sometimes, parents urge their children to get married because they want to see their grandchildren. " Well, no. I’m already paying my monthly mortgage. If we marry, we can live on it. If he has his own house, we can decide if we want to sell or rent out the other one or buy a different house altogether." SHESGOTTOBE, you are really a good girl. Do you think that they will live on your house if he could not afford to buy a house? I do not know what foreigners do if they were invited to live in their wife's house. In China, most men wouldn't do so. Why? Men usually are the support of the family. If they could not buy a house for his wife, he will be looked down and laughed at by others. Some may say that you are a loser who just depend on women. They won't do it just for the sake of their self-esteem and dignity. |
| Dec 14, 2007 19:57 | #7 |
| Having a home is important to everyone I think, regardless of nationality. You have to live some where. If I don’t have a home, I’d be… um… living on the streets? -_- I know people who rented because they know they are going to move in a year or two. In that case, renting is better than owning a house. Another couple I know rented while they were saving for a downpayment. Well, I respect if they want a house for their daughter. I just hope my friend will go through it alive whether they end up together or not. It’s not like I have a say in it. It’s really none of my business. I guess it’s just for my cultural learning. I understand that the Chinese has a different way of seeing things and I totally respect that. It is not in my interest to change other people’s lives and ways of thinking. Where I live, most people do not care about other people’s personal decisions unless you are committing a crime or your actions are affecting other people. Here, personal decisions should be respected because it is assumed that adults know what they are getting into. If you start talking about other people’s business, they’ll start digging into your life too and trust me, you won’t like it. LOL! I do not know if my future husband will agree to live in my house if he could not afford to buy a house. It will depend on what he thinks and naturally, we will talk about it, weigh the options and then come to terms. Well, if it would save his self-esteem and dignity, he can start paying for the house. I wouldn’t mind. Promise! LOL! Seriously, I cannot predict how my future husband would think. That’s like putting the cart before the horse. ^_^” |
| Dec 15, 2007 00:22 | #8 |
| When should we get married? A good question. Marrige is a very important thing for every one, getting married late isn't a bad thing, because the elder we are, the mature we are, thus the better choice and decision we will make. |
| Dec 15, 2007 21:33 | #9 |
| Quote: getting married late isn't a bad thing, because the elder we are, the mature we are, thus the better choice and decision we will make. Yes, but not too late. Otherwise, we are really 'old women.' When we are young, we have high requirements on our future husband. Well, if you are 30 years old, will you still stick to your requirements? Most women will 'cut down' their requirements as they are getting old. |
| Dec 16, 2007 19:35 | #10 |
| There’s a joke that got passed around before. I’m not so sure about the accuracy of this because I am just pulling this off of my memory but it goes something like this: How a woman prays for a man at different stages of her life. At 18, she prays “God, please give me a man who is cute and popular.” At 25, she prays, “God, please give me a man who is goodlooking and rich.” At 30, she prays, “God, please give me a man who is mature and intelligent.” At 40, she prays, “God, please give me a man with a head full of hair.” At 50, she prays, “God, please give me a man who can remember where he left his dentures.” At 60, she prays, “God, just give me a man, any man will do!” LOL! Ok, it’s just a joke. Don’t take it seriously. o_O Personally, I won’t lower my standards. Settling for anyone less than what you idealize or someone whom you can’t connect is just not worth it. That’s just asking for trouble. Waiting for the right one is worth it. But that is just me. ^_^ |
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